On Not Growing Up
by Alsike
Summary: The same story everyone's been writing, but slower and boring. Set 3 years after PGSM special act, same timeline as After the Wedding. Minako's fading out there's only one thing she can do: stop running.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

It's the end. I knew it was coming, but I thought I could push it out, hold on a little longer- be an American pop star and not a Japanese one, but that was so much bullshit, and I think that I could have let it end so long ago, I could have realized that I was running away because I was scared that I wasn't going to die this time. Everyone dies, that's what they say, and I was just waiting for that lightning strike, that drunk driver to solve all my problems for me, but I'm already twenty-one and my career is falling apart and even if that sudden death does come for me, I can't just wait anymore. I have to start making plans, start finding a real life, a real future.

I know I've written too many songs and recycled too many clichés, but I can't blindly stumble forwards anymore, hoping for some miraculous meeting that will show me the rest of my life without my having to look for it. I'm not ready for that, even if I did meet someone who could give me that opportunity I couldn't take it, because I don't want to live, I don't even remember what it was like to want to live anymore. But there was one person who for a moment showed me what it was like to want to live, to want a future, and I have to go back to that past, that past I'm not even sure exists to find a future… back to the past, and the one person who hated the past more than anything.

She's not my friend anymore. I have plenty of friends, plenty, but from back then, Usagi's the only one who writes. I never write back, but every few months I get a letter, addressed to my manager to avoid the glut of fan mail, updating me on all the minutia of her happily married life. The last time I saw them was three years ago, at her wedding. She has two little girls already, I haven't seen either except in the masses of photos that my manager pulls out of the trash and pins on my refrigerator. I don't know why he thinks I need to be more human. She gave me this life back, even though I didn't want it.

There was a moment where I did want it; there was a moment where I could see a future, a future with friends and people who cared about my happiness. But they cared too much, and I was only going to hurt them, no matter how much they gave me, I could only give pain in return. I ran away, I ran back into my jet set life, focusing on the day to day, not thinking about the people I had let behind.

Then the letter for Usagi's wedding came. I went. They were all so happy to see me, their famous so called 'friend,' but they were clearly absorbed in their own lives, except, except her. Fine! I'll say her name. Rei. Rei, always Rei. Not Mars, not anymore. She was exactly the same, sure she was a priestess, had powerful visions, wore sexy boots, but she was still Rei, the stupid kid whose favorite expression was a grimace, who always took everything I said as a challenge, who I had to forcibly coerce into accepting a ride in my limo to get from the hospital to the wedding. She didn't know what to do with me now that she was the one lying injured in bed and I was the strong one. She's too courageous for her own good, and every defensive word out of her mouth made me more and more angry. We were exactly the same. Neither of us had grown up an inch.

When Usagi threw her bouquet we were standing together. We had been standing together throughout the entire wedding. We sniped at each other whenever possible, but there was no one I felt more comfortable being next to. Our patterns of behavior were set and steady, and I was close enough to hold her hand. I wasn't, of course, not that she would stand it, or I would want to, but she was jumping up and down, getting into the game, into the hope for the bouquet, for a wedding, for a regular female life; it was surprising. I looked at her and she stopped and gave me a very defensive look where she reaffirmed her disinterest in anything normal, and we stood and watched the flowers fly over, and neither of us moved to catch it. We are so immature.

The problem is, no matter how much we fought, no matter how much we professed our dislike or criticized each other's capacities, she was the one I hurt the most, and to patch things up, to get over the fact that I died, that I did my best to cut myself off from everyone and everything, for a good reason, and that suddenly when that reason was gone I didn't know how to start living again, I didn't know how to connect to people anymore, it has to be her. Rei was my last chance, she was the closest I came to letting someone in, and if I'm going to start living now, I have to start with her.


	2. Chapter 2

The Hikawa Jinja didn't feel like home anymore, not after her four years in Kyoto, not now that she was sleeping, or more accurately trying to sleep, in the head priest's bedroom instead of her own small room, even thought she shouldn't be calling it that anymore. This was her room, she was the head priestess, just because she had only been so for three days couldn't fool her into thinking that if she just moved her futon back into her old room everything would be comfortable. It wouldn't, because that tacky poster of Minako that Usagi had forced her to buy was still hanging in there. She had asked the old head priest why he hadn't taken it down when she left, but he said the new part-time miko liked it. There weren't any part-timers now, and there wasn't a head priest, just a lonely priestess with a big job cut out for her and a poster of Aino Minako which would _not_ be comforting at all! It could only be worrying, she couldn't help worrying every time she saw her face, and now that her popularity was dropping she was seeing her face less and less but worrying more and more.

Rei sighed and rolled over on the uncomfortable futon once more. She had gotten off schedule somewhere. It was approaching midnight and her alarm would ring at six, then she had to sweep the shrine, get it ready for visitors, entertain possible backers, advertise for part-time miko for the festival that was coming up, try and find some who would come a little more often to help out. She wished she had someone to live here with, but the application probably wouldn't be accepted if she tried to adopt an older kid for the slave labor.

Something was up; she just couldn't sleep. Maybe there was something wrong and she should do a fire reading- but her spiritual sense had developed so much more since she was a kid, she knew when she needed to read, this was just a feeling, but it was damned uncomfortable.

She couldn't take it anymore. Rei dragged her resisting body out of the futon. If she couldn't sleep now, there was no sense in wasting the time. She could start sweeping, and if she got that done she could cut that off her schedule and sleep in a half an hour. Her body wasn't happy about this, but her head couldn't stop moving, so she dragged it downstairs and out onto the porch to find her broom.

There was someone standing under the cherry tree.

Rei grabbed the broom, but it was a slight delicate someone, and immediately at the sight the feeling of unease relaxed. The girl turned around.

Minako looked at her, eyes a little red, a bit scuffed and tired all around, but still stoic as always. She just looked at her, and Rei looked back, and the lanterns waved in the wind.

"I'm sorry for dropping in so suddenly."

"How long have you been standing out here?"

They had spoken at the same time. Minako paused.

"Maybe an hour, I wasn't going to come in…"

"Why not? Where are you staying?"

"I'm booked into a hotel nearby."

"Why did you come here?"

"Because," she smiled a little, "because I'm broken. That should make you happy, right? You always liked me better when there was something about me to fix up."

"So says the person who never thought I was good enough.'"

Minako laughed. "But, I am broken. And I think you're the only one who can help me."


	3. Chapter 3

She didn't know what to say, she felt that she was supposed to send out a biting comment, but Minako was just standing there, looking hurt and alone in a way she had never let herself look around Rei. The stoic expression was gone and she just looked empty.

"Come in," she said, leaning the broom against the wall. "I'll make some tea."

Minako followed her into the kitchen where she leaned against the doorframe as Rei got out the tea and the cups. She thought Rei moved gracefully in her loose linen drawstring pajama pants and t-shirt. Her hair was down and lashing around her face. Minako had always liked her hair better when it was up. She could see more of her face… see more of what she was thinking, and you always needed as much help as you could get with Rei.

She found herself flexing a hair-band she found in her pocket on her fingers, then just gave in, walked up behind her, and started putting Rei's hair back into a ponytail.

"Wha-what are you doing!" Rei dropped the teacup and it hit the counter. She pulled away, but Minako was done and grinning at her.

"I like it better with your hair up."

Rei glared furiously, but Minako was smiling, and it was so rare that she did it honestly… and she had always tried hard to make her smile. So she grumbled as she picked up the teacup, which, miraculously, wasn't broken, and she let herself smile at the hot-water machine as she filled the cups.

They moved to the table in the front room, and sat down on the floor. Minako sipped her tea and smirked. Rei didn't take out the hairband, but she kept a degree-two scowl expression as she poked her teabag to make the brew stronger and more bitter.

"So, what's all this garbage about you being broken."

Minako laughed quietly to herself. "Sorry for laying that on you, I was just feeling a bit out of it."

"You meant something. Don't try to put me off."

"I-" she looked down into the green depths, "I'm retiring."

"Oh."

Minako glanced up, and Rei quickly wiped the expression of hurt and bewilderment off her face.

"You're surprised?"

"I-"

Minako shook her head. "I'm surprised too, but I was just a silly idol. I didn't have anything else to make me special. I've already lasted longer than most."

"But- but you _were_ special-" Rei looked mortified at the words that had come out of her mouth.

Minako giggled. "Not everyone loves me quite as much as you."

"Shut-up."

"And I'm over. I'm burnt out. I feel like I've been rehashing the same old clichés over and over again, singing other people's songs because I'm too emotionless to write my own. I've been staying in statis for too long, and I need to start growing up."

"So, why'd you come to me?"

"Well, I don't really have anywhere to go."

"What about your parents?"

"I'm twenty-one! I'm not going to go running to my parents and say, you screwed up the first time, you raised an emotionless wreck of a child and I want to go back and start again. They screwed up once, I'm not letting them get their hands on me again!"

Rei stared at her. She tapped the table with her nail. "Have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist?"

"Shut-up."

Rei smiled and shook her head. "Don't you have any friends with people you've seen in an interval less than three years?"

"Not real friends- not ones who aren't tied up in their own lives."

"Are you saying I'm as emotionally stunted and retarded as you?"

Minako grinned. "Maybe."

"Idiot."

Minako yawned. Rei glanced at the clock.

"Shit! It's almost two!"

"Got a hot date?"

Rei glanced at her. "I have to get up at six to get the shrine ready, and the sponsors are coming at nine-"

"I'll… help you out."

Rei stared at her. Then she looked down at her teacup. "There's a question I didn't ask you." Minako looked away. "What are you going to do, after you retire?"

"I don't know. Right now I don't have any plans. Nothing pressing. I want to find out who I am."

"A shrine is a good place for looking inwards."

"Do, do you want me to stay?"

"Of course not!" Rei glared at her. "But since you're so freaking messed up, I'd rather have you here where I can keep an eye on you than just waiting for you to show up in the papers to make sure you're alive! Since you _never_ call, or write, or anything!"

"I'd like to stay."

"Come on," Rei quickly washed out the teacups and set them on the draining board. "It's too late to go back to your hotel anyways." She led the way upstairs and took out an extra futon and blanket and set them up on the floor of her old room.

"That's an old poster."

Rei glanced up at it; it wasn't haunting her anymore. She shrugged. "You were cuter then."

Minako smacked her with a pillow.

"You can borrow some of my pajamas."

She followed Rei into her room, which was larger, but emptier, and was passed a pair of shorts and a chemise, then sent back into the hall.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Rei grunted. Minako stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Rei, pulling the stiff body into a hug.

"No- Thank you. I mean it." Rei tentatively hugged her back.

"You're welcome."


	4. Chapter 4

Morning came fast, but at 6:30 Rei dragged herself out of bed and squinted at the clock. Why did it say 6:30- didn't she set it for six? She tried to think back and a sneaking suspicion came over her that it might not have been a dream, and Aino Minako might actually be sleeping in the next room. And that was why she had given herself an extra half hour- she had someone to help out, or at least she had said she would.

Rei quickly got dressed and dug her old miko outfit out of the drawer. She glanced at it and let herself grin just a little bit. Minako in a miko outfit, what universe had she fallen into? She walked over to her old room and slid the door open.

Minako was still asleep, sprawled over the futon, looking thin and small and innocent. Rei felt her breath catch in her throat and knelt on the futon and quickly checked her breathing and her pulse. Minako started to mumble at the touch of a hand on her wrist. Rei let her breath out and quickly wiped her eyes before Minako started to blink. She climbed back to her feet and dropped the miko outfit next to the bed.

"I've left you some clothes. If you want to help out, get right up, there's work to do."

She headed down to the kitchen. First order of the day was breakfast. Usually she would only eat after she had finished cleaning, but- she shook the thought of Minako's arms out of her head and put some water on to boil.

She was buttering the toast when Minako came down the stairs, tying the ties on her hakama. Rei went over to help her with them. When they were finished Minako grinned at her.

"How do I look?"

Rei scanned her from top to bottom. Then shook her head. "These recording artists, always so vain."

Minako smacked her. They sat down to eat. Then Rei gave Minako the broom and set her out to sweep the stairs. She went off to do more of the intricate work.

At 8:57 she saw her prospective sponsors come up the nice clean stairs. Minako was now sweeping the pathway to the shrine where the lattice walls were hung with the prayers of mostly students. She approached the businessmen, and they smiled. "Hino-san." Rei winced; they didn't respect her. "How are things going?"

"I think I'm beginning to get things under control."

"Why Hino-san, it seems that you have found a volunteer to be a miko."

"Minako! Come here."

Minako carried her broom over to the three men and Rei.

"What is it, sensei?"

"These men are thinking of assisting the shrine. Introduce yourself."

"Ah- pleased to meet you. My name is Kouno Minako."

Rei glanced at her, hearing the change in her name.

"Are you working here?"

"I am trying to assist Rei-sensei in anyway I can."

"Do you live nearby?"

"I live here."

"Oh, really! So you intend to stay and work fulltime at the shrine."

"If Rei-sensei permits me."

"But you're such a pretty girl. You aren't planning to run off and get married or anything?"

"No, sir. I've had- a complex life so far, and I feel that I can find some peace here. As far as I can see into my own future I see my self by Rei-sensei's side."

The lead man blinked at Rei. "To tell you the truth, we were doubtful that you would get any help. This shrine is too much for one girl to handle. But if you have steady assistance-" he smiled. "We'll fund you for a few months and see if you can make a go of it."

"Th-thank you sir."

The youngest one smiled at Minako. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

Minako looked down. "I don't think so, sir."

The leader slapped the youngest on the back. "Our accountant will get in contact with you soon. Good luck."

Rei let herself breathe out as the men disappeared down the stairs. Minako shook her head. "They don't think we can do it."

"But at least they're giving us a chance." Rei glanced at her and scowled a little. "Thank you."

Minako grinned. "You're welcome."

"Where, may I ask, did the 'we' come from?"

Minako grinned again. "Well, let's just say it's nice to know you need me. And- and I didn't lie. Everything I said, I meant."

"Great, now I'm stuck with you."

"Hey! Don't dis me! I got you funding."

"Yeah, yeah, and now I've got to give you room and board."

"I can pay- you know, if you'll let me stay, I can help fund-"

"I'm not taking money from you."

"Hey! I just want to help!"

Rei looked away. "You help by being here. Your money isn't worth anything, compared-"

She couldn't go on, but Minako could fill in the last two words. She smiled at the ground. "Thanks."

"Shut up and get back to sweeping, you bother me."

Minako stuck her tongue out at Rei and marched off to where she had left off sweeping. Rei watched her, smiling a little bit.

"Hey- Do you want to go out to lunch?" she called after her.

Minako looked back, with a dazzling smile. "Sure!"


	5. Chapter 5

Around 11 a distressed chauffeur pulled three suitcases up the stairs to the shrine and stood panting at the top of the stairs. Then he caught sight of Minako and stared. She smiled at him.

"Thank you, Pierre."

"Are- are you really going to live here now?"

"I've retired."

"Yes- but most idols don't-"

"Ah- what about the Beatles?"

"Going to- Tibet, or wherever, when you're burnt out is different than going home to actually start a life working in a shrine."

"But that's it, you see. I want a life."

"But a shrine?"

Minako glanced at Rei, who was pointedly ignoring them. "I need to be here."

Pierre looked at her too. "Oh."

"I'll help you bring the bags up to my room."

"Your manager is going to wonder where you are."

"He knows I've retired! He encouraged me to start figuring out what I was going to do if I couldn't sing anymore!"

"But I think he had some of his own ideas, and none of them involved becoming a miko."

"He wanted me to become a songwriter. I'm a crappy pop singer, and I haven't written a song that wasn't a meaningless cliché in years!"

"We need meaningless clichés!"

"I don't. I need something real."

"And she's going to give you that?"

"She's the last person who tried." They had reached the room and were looking at the poster of her in the room. "I can't stay that girl forever. I need to face reality, but I can't do it on my own."

They walked back down the stairs and to the gate. Minako held herself in for a moment, and then hugged Pierre. "Don't tell Manager-san where I am. I'll call him when I feel like I can. Thank you… for everything."

He walked down the stairs and she watched him go. She felt Rei walk up behind her.

"Are you okay with this?"

Minako closed her eyes. "I need to be here- for me."

"I'm not going to make you stay. Don't feel obligated because of me."

Minako forced herself to smile. "As if I'd ever be considerate of your feelings."


	6. Chapter 6

They had changed out of their shrine clothes, and dressed to go out. Minako still had a penchant for large hats and sunglasses. Rei's clothes were quite a bit less expensive, but walking down the street, they looked like any two normal bickering teenage girls. Of course, they weren't normal, and they weren't teenagers, but they bickered enough for anyone, and as they kept at it, the tension flowed away and Minako caught up Rei's arm and held on as they walked, and Rei didn't even think of yanking it away.

They were walking down the street and a lady carrying a huge mass of flowers was walking the other way. Suddenly the lady stopped and dropped all the flowers.

"Rei? And… is that, Minako!"

"Makoto?" Rei and Minako helped her pick up the flowers and then gave her a look up and down. She was looking sleek in tall black boots and a skirt; she had turned the tomboy look into something entirely feminine, yet still sharp and aggressive.

"What are you doing here, Minako? Just- walking down the street… and Rei! Why didn't you tell anyone she had come to visit! She never comes to visit! You can't be selfish."

Minako glanced down at the sidewalk. "Actually, I didn't come to visit."

"No?"

"I came to stay."

"What!"

"I'm living with Rei at the shrine now."

Makoto stepped back and eyed them. "I always thought there was something about you two…"

"What!" Rei sputtered. "No! You've got it all wrong! She's staying because she needs to- to-" She glared at Minako, "You explain. It's still a bit muddled to me."

"I need to remember how to love." She leaned against Rei's shoulder, the owner of which looked mortified. She giggled and Rei shook her off. "Isn't she cute when she's annoyed?"

Minako leaned in and kissed Rei's cheek. Rei froze and started to blush furiously.

Makoto laughed. "No, no. I didn't mean that. It just seemed like you two were better friends than any of us were with you."

Minako smiled. "Yeah, and I really needed a friend."

They walked along the street together until they reached Makoto's shop catching up on things. It was mostly Makoto and Minako talking because Rei was red and scowling and being dragged along by Minako who still had her arm hooked into hers.

Minako glanced back at her and smiled. Rei glared furiously. "Is it okay if Makoto comes out to lunch with us, honey?"

"Yeah," Rei grumbled.

Makoto grinned. "I'll call Usagi and we'll make a party of it."

"Yay!" Minako clung to Rei even tighter as she struggled to get away. "I never got my Itterashai party, but this can be my Okaeri party!"

Rei looked sick and stopped struggling. Minako glanced at her and saw the expression on her face. "Rei- I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's your right." She choked it out, covering the pain with anger.

"Rei-" Minako stepped closer and touched her face. Rei jerked away.

"You- you died! And, and every day-" she choked and wiped her eyes harshly, "and every day I'm afraid. Minako- Minako is everything, and this morning- I, I checked you breathing. I need to know you're alright, because I can't do that again, I can't deal with it again."

Minako stepped into her and slipped her arms around her waist. Rei tried to pull away, but she pulled her in tightly and Rei's head buried itself in her shoulder and she sobbed. Makoto was looking around for a place to flee to. Minako mouthed at her. "Call Usagi- I'll deal with this." And she slipped out of the room to the phone.

In a minute or so the sobbing subsided and Rei was just breathing laboredly into her shoulder, and Minako started stroking her hair, figuring that would be embarrassing enough for Rei to get a hold on herself, not that she didn't want to. Her hair was soft and she liked to run her fingers along the roots on her forehead and neck. Rei finally did pull herself out of the crook of her shoulder where she had so comfortably settled herself and looked away. Minako thought that there could have been a moment. There could have been a time where Rei would look into her eyes and she could have kissed her and promised that she would always be there, but Rei had pulled back into herself and hadn't left the opportunity. It was probably a good thing, because if there had been a chance, Minako would have stared at her and thought about kissing her, and thought about being natural and spontaneous and it would have never happened. She pulled out her handkerchief and caught Rei's chin so she could wipe her face.

"Blow." Rei scowled as she blew her nose for her. "Don't worry too much. You're not going to get rid of me that easily." Rei pulled out of her grip and went over to the sink to wash up. Minako watched her walk of affronted dignity and almost smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

Usagi screamed as she ran over to Minako and enveloped her in large expansive hug.

"You've come home!"

Minako was nearly bowled over by the power of the embrace, but even more so by the words. Even though when she was deciding what to do with her retirement she had never thought of going anywhere else, she had never thought of it as home, but the words felt right. This was her home, this was where her history lay and as she looked at Rei she knew that she had a future here if she wanted it. She had someone who cared about her so much that it hurt. It was terrifying in a way, but she had been steady in her feelings for seven years. Rei was someone she could count on, no matter how many times she tried to reject that idea.

Usagi spent most of the lunch with her head on her shoulder, gushing about Minako's CD's, her kids, Mamoru, the old days, the food, her clothes and how glad she was that Minako was going to be a real part of their lives. She didn't say it like that, but she listed all of the things they could do together, like real friends did.

Around 3:45 Usagi looked at her watch and squealed. "Oh my god! I'm late!" She started gathering her things together. "Oh she's going to be so angry with me!"

"What, who?" Minako asked.

Usagi grinned. "My mom. She's babysitting both Emi and Miki and she's furious if I don't get back by 3:30 because she has her hair appointment at 4."

"Oh!"

Usagi grinned sneakily, "You want to meet them, right?"

Minako looked surprised. "Yes- I, um, yes."

Rei groaned. Usagi glowered at her. "You don't have to come."

"I can't come. I have work to do. We were supposed to be out for like two hours, not four!"

Minako smiled at Usagi. "Then I'll have to beg off for this afternoon. I can't inconvenience Rei anymore."

"It's ok. I bring them to the shrine every Saturday anyways. You'll get to meet them then."

Rei rolled her eyes. "You just use me as a babysitter."

"Rei-chan, you need some time with them. You were in Kyoto for their first two years!"

"You dump them on me so you can spend some time with your precious Mamo-chan!"

"But he's so busy all the time! I never get to see him!"

"When does he get to see the brats?'

Usagi glared at her. "At four in the morning when they wake up crying. Gosh Rei, you're so mean! Minako- be a good influence on her. And we have to make a date for Karaoke! I haven't heard Rei sing in ages! And I _so _want to go to Karaoke with Minako-chan!"

"Dorkus."

Minako grinned. "Actually, I haven't heard Rei sing in ages either."

"What! Not you too!"

"It was always me too."

Rei glowered. "It was."

Usagi grinned. "Ok- I'll call you later- gotta run!"

Makoto shook her head. "I have to get back to work too. I'll see you later."

Minako nodded and was left alone with Rei. She leaned against her shoulder. "That was intense."

"Gossip mongers, the lot of them."

"I-" she paused and moved to pull away from Rei. "I never really got to know them very well. I mean, I knew Usagi, but she's easy to get to know, but the other two. Even when we fought together- we never really talked. I spent so long hiding."

Rei put her arms around Minako's waist and tugged her close. "You like being touched, don't you?"

"What?"

"I can tell, when you're saying something painful, something that hurts you, you pull away from everyone; you won't touch them."

Minako closed her eyes. "I- I guess I do."

"Do what exactly?"

"Like to be touched."


	8. Chapter 8

"No way, I bet you can get a better price than that."

"This is who the shrine always buys from!"

"But you're new management, and they're ripping you off. Look, I'll go get some quotes from other sources and we'll see if we can bring them down."

"Isn't that kind of-"

"Don't you dare worry about being rude or we'll lose the funding before you can say 'pirates!' this is business."

"Fine," Rei grumped, but she knew Minako was entirely right. She had a head for business, and would not settle for anything that wasn't a bargain. But working together they had got almost all of the things she had had to do done in a very short time. It was a little after six and they closed up the books until tomorrow and started thinking about dinner. Rei cooked and Minako dug out a movie to watch while they were eating.

They pulled a blanket over their legs, and when they had finished eating and Minako snuggled against Rei and buried her head on her shoulder, Rei put her arm around her shoulder and pulled her even closer. Sometimes you didn't realize how lonely you were until you weren't alone anymore.

Minako fell asleep before the movie ended, and even as the credits rolled, Rei didn't make any move to push her off. She liked being able to feel her breathe. She didn't want to let herself need her; she didn't want to feel like this. She could never hang on to anything she loved. Bust she was almost ready to let herself hope- hope that this time wouldn't be like all the others, that if she believed in her she wouldn't be hurt. But Minako had already hurt her so much.

Rei looked down at the girl sleeping so peacefully against her shoulder and studied her face. She carefully ran a thumb across her lips and gazed at the eyes that when opened never lost a slight sense of fear.

"I'll never forget the day we met, how could I, when the day we met was the anniversary of my mother's death. But the day you died- it was the day I lost faith in the world. I'll never forget the moment I remembered knowing you- one morning in school in a life that never had been, when I was lonely but fine- completely fine and then I woke up and I remembered everything-. I didn't understand how I could feel so much, and when I ran- of course it was to see Usagi- but that was no comparison to seeing your face one more time." Rei closed her eyes. "Even right here, you're too far away." She slowly put her arms around Minako and tugged her down until she was lying in her lap, then she slid out from under her and replaced her lap with a cushion, tugging the blanket up so it covered her properly. She thought about the too large too foreign bedroom upstairs and closed her eyes for a moment, pushing away inconvenient feelings of fear or loneliness, but Minako made a noise and Rei glanced down to see her curling in on herself, tight and tense, tears leaking out the corners of her eyes. She knelt and used her thumb to brush away the tears, and found her wrist in a vise-like grip. She shook her head.

"It's not big enough, we'll both be sore tomorrow and you'll be sorry," she murmured to the girl who still seemed by all appearances to be asleep, but the grip on her arm did not change. "Fine," she said with a wasted scowl. How dare Minako make her do exactly what she wanted to and what she would never do on her own? She crawled gingerly back onto the couch, her wrist still a victim to Minako's rigor somnis, not wanting to wake her and be caught in this position which really wasn't her idea but there was no question that it would be interpreted as such. But Minako didn't wake, just curled against her, and lying here, Minako a warm weight on her chest, their breaths coming and fading together in some strange synchronized meditation- it was almost close enough to fill the empty space inside.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 8

Emi was still being held in her mother's arms, which cradled the child with a grace that had never been expected, but Miki was almost three, on her knees in the sandbox, watching with delight as water gushed down the channel they had dug as Minako described the socio-political landscape of the city they had built, also on her knees, not minding the sand ground into her trousers or the smudge of dirt on her face.

Rei sat on the bench by Usagi, her elbows resting on her knees as she watched Minako play happily in the sandbox.

"You used to be good with kids too," Usagi remarked casually.

"You mean I used to be saddled with kids all the time, my being good with them or not was never really brought into the equation."

"But you were good with them too. You always had the right amount of friend and boss. It was a skill."

"Hmph."

"I'm not saying you aren't good with them now, but, you just, you don't seem to like having them around…"

"I don't." She didn't look at Usagi's face, not needing to look to see the pathetic pout that was stationed there. "They, remind me of stuff…"

"Of what?"

Rei closed her eyes. "Real life." Then she shook her head. "Or what most people pretend is real life."

"What do you mean?"

"There's this set pattern, you know that, you live it- no, you live a dream, but for all the people who did what they were supposed to do, have a career, follow that path. Oh, I don't know, it's just one of those lies that they tell, telling you that having a career won't be enough and that love will fill you up, love will always be enough. You have a career, feel like it's not enough, find love, have kids, live happily ever after until you're old, and then you die- at the same time as the one you love…"

"You've been watching too many dramas."

"I _know_ it's a lie, I know that. But I want it. I would never have expected that of me, I never wanted anything normal, but only now, now when I'm old enough to stop believing in forever, I want it; I want a dream."

Usagi watched her as Rei gazed out, at Minako, but also beyond her. "Maybe," she smiled her innocent smile that managed to hide how much she always knew, "maybe you already have what you want. You should be careful you don't let it go."

Rei turned to look at her, completely confused and bewildered. "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Usagi smirked a little. "I am the wise and powerful married woman!"

"Yes, auntie." Usagi roared, and still balancing Emi, smacked Rei with her free hand.

"Hey!"

"Don't call me old!"

"Yes, auntie."

A tickle fight started. Minako and Miki ran over to join in, and when everyone lay exhausted on the grass it was time for the party to break up. Minako was waving bye-bye to Miki, who also waved with the hand that wasn't being held by her mother. Both hands consumed by children, Usagi just turned to look back at Rei and smiled.

"Just marry her already, and start having kids! My girls need cousins."

Minako glanced over as her new best friend left and cocked her head at Rei.

"Why are you all red, Rei?" she asked, quite innocently.

"N-n-no reason."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9

Minako found Rei on the floor of the fire room, sprawled out and sleeping hot in the dark room. She knelt down next to her and looked at her for a while, not wanting her to wake. Then she reached out, her fingers brushing and threading in the thick silky underside of her hair that showed since her head was tilted to the side. She felt Rei start to wake up but didn't stop her petting. She heard a soft sigh from her and then Rei spoke.

"When did you become my friend?"

"Mmm?"

"When did you start calling me by my name? When did you stop criticizing everything I did?"

"When I learned how to say thank you."

"What?"

"Everything was always for my sake, always, but, I could never thank you, because I was always lying, and when you always lie you can never believe anyone else is telling the truth. So…" She smiled and leaned close to the back of Rei's head. "Thank you."

Rei closed her eyes and felt the brush of breath against her neck and wished, just wished, not knowing what she was wishing for or what she even felt, but she felt that sudden tensing of her heart and the release that was her prayer to the gods and sighed as Minako's fingers came to rest against her shoulder, letting her eyes close and the sleep flow back in.

Minako felt her slip back under and snuggled up against her back, though she wasn't very sleepy herself. But it was calming to feel the rumble of Rei's steady breathing as she pressed her face up against her hair and the back of her shoulder. It was so nice to touch her like this, to feel so close to someone. Minako's hand slid over Rei's side to wrap around her, but she paused as she reached the part in her top. Her fingers traced against soft skin. Rei made a mumbling sound and snuggled deeper against her, and the terror hit. This was not something she was supposed to be doing, this was not something she was supposed to be feeling. She should be happy with this chaste comfort. She shouldn't want more, she shouldn't need more- she clenched her fingers into a fist and forced her eyes closed. So selfish- she was so selfish, always asking, it was all about her, always wanting more that Rei was required to give. What was she thinking? This whole situation, everything here was a gift, was something she didn't deserve. She hadn't expected to be welcomed like this. She had expected arguments, angry words, recriminations for past sins, but not this- this precious care, that was so sweet, so perfect- It was something she couldn't defile.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 10

Things had been awkward all day today. Rei mused as she picked the beans to soak for the next night's dinner. Minako had been jumpy and distracted whenever Rei had set foot into a room she was in. She was having a completely disastrous time setting up the branches for the display, and when Rei had reached out and caught her hand to guide it she suddenly got all tense and hot. She let go of her hand in surprise and Minako had knocked over about six things getting from point A to point B and Rei had yelled at her and chased her out of the building. She had caught Minako staring at her own poster today and she had just disappeared after lunch, during the break time where they usually hung out together, maybe the hanging out usually consisted of an argument, but it had been sort of comfortable, but now Minako wasn't comfortable. Maybe she had found what she wanted. Maybe it was time for her to leave.

The beans slipped from her fingers and Rei curled over the counter, clenching her fists and pushing them against its edge. She knew it wouldn't be forever, she knew Minako had to leave sometime, she wasn't the type to stay tied to a shrine and the ever-repetitive duties, but she hadn't expected it to be so soon. She had let herself get too close- not like it was something she could control, but she had gotten used to having her there, gotten used to watching her carefully, making sure she was eating correctly, making sure she stayed healthy. She had let herself feel like she had some sort of control, but if Minako left all her control would be gone and she would be left once more to newspapers and magazines and perhaps to that one sudden phone call that you're never expecting, the one where you know, even before it rings what it will say. She had only been a child when it had happened with her mother, but her spiritual sense was still developed enough to know.

"Hey, what do you think about making _o-mamori_ with the sailor senshi on them?"

Rei jerked up from her fetal crouch against the table and spun to look at Minako who had that look in her eyes, the sideways one that said I'm not telling you something, and it's hurting me.

"Are you kidding? We've never done something trashy like that-"

"Come on, Rei. Everyone else is doing it. You can get them in the shape of credit cards. We need to attract new patrons too, and come on, what twelve year old doesn't want Sailor Mercury at her side when she's gearing up for exams."

Rei glanced down and smiled. "Maybe, but we still need traditional ones too."

"Of course, now, what did you decide about the supplier for Ema, because I think I've found a better option-"

"I was just going to go with the usual place, everywhere else is a bit rough on new customers, and the products, well-"

Minako grinned and lifted her hand, waving a small wooden plaque with a beautiful ink painting of a horse on it.

Rei's mouth dropped open. "Where did you get that?"

Minako looked utterly pleased with herself. "A little internet surfing. There's a new private company trying to start up in Chiba, and I contacted them and they said that they'd do us the first hundred free and then two-fifty for every shipment if we promise regular orders."

"Do it. They're amazing."

Minako grinned and shook her head. "The price is amazing too, but we know what our little traditionalist cares about."

She turned and started walking out the door, but Rei spoke and she stopped. "Minako-"

Minako turned and looked at her curiously.

"Do you want to learn to dance?"

Minako arched an eyebrow. "I was an Idol for seven years and you think I can't dance?"

Rei's face darkened but with amusement. "Don't get me started on the ability of Idols to dance. But, I meant- I mean, if you don't want to-"

"What do you mean, Rei? I don't understand."

Rei met her eyes. "Miko dances. If we're going to make a go of this we need to be able to perform the ceremonies, and, I need a miko who can do the appropriate dances- not, I may specify, making up stuff that 'looks cool.'"

Minako walked up to Rei and lifted her hand as if she was going to reach out and touch her, but stopped herself and tipped her head slightly down. "Yes," she said quietly, almost to the floor, "I'd love to learn to dance."

Nothing happened. There was no touch, no moment, no sudden change, but a soft feeling slid into Rei, just a touch of hope. It felt as if her heart was warming up.


End file.
